I'm passing your future prison.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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