Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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