she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
