Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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