Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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