I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
