Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
