Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
