just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
