Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
