I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
