I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
