why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
