OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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