He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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