new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
