My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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