you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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