Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize