Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
