i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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