I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
