she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need moral support for this bender
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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