that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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