so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
