I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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