I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
