Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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