he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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