At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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