that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
