She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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