Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
