Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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