She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
