She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize