How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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