Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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