I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
