New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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