remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
