I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
