Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
