I didn't shave. On purpose
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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