Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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