Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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