and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
