i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize