you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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