In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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