I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i believe in u and ur pee
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