So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can I color on your dick again?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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