she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
