dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
