wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
