idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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