How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
