i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
