BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
