Welp...herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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