this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
