Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
