I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize