Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
