Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i love accidental penises.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
