You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
