I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
