i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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