Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
