just come out here and I will go home with you...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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