There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently you make a good broom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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