dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
