the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
