i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
