he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
