so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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