I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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