i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
