So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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