Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
