He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
