your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
