Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
