he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
