I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
