i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
