did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
