Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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