One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
