I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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