My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
