its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
