Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
