youre lurking in front of me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
