For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
