ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
